Love covers all wrongs...

February 8, 2010 @ 04:24 PM

Message from God

I was at church yesterday. Sunday, February 7th, 2010. Every first Sunday, I am the Praise & Worship leader for Communion Sunday. My Pastor didn't tell me why he specifically chose me to do it every first Sunday but I know one of the reasons was because my sister was unable to do it. But I'm not complaining, I love doing it, because I know I'm growing through it. Maybe some people don't always agree with the way I do it, but in the end, they come to an understanding. That's how I learned. Through that, I know I became more wise and more mature.

Anyway, I wasn't in church for two weeks. Two weeks, I know, that's probably the most I ever stayed away from Church. People were worried, they were searching for me, they thought I died or something. Well one my youth members asked me, "are you ok? please tell me you're not dieing!" Lol! Anyway though, if you must know, it's not really a big deal, but I don't really have that tendency to just tell people but I don't want people think I'm dieing either. I was gone for two weeks, because the first week, it was that time of the month thing for girls. Ladies, I'm sure you know what I mean, and trust me, I was in bed all day Sunday and I didn't even get to use the washroom. My gosh, that's how bad it was. My dad even had to bring me up some breakfast and I crawled my way to the washroom, probably took me about 20minutes. Lmao! Well anyway, my sister told me, it doesn't get better as you get older. So I took that to consideration. The second week, I was gone because I had seen my surgeon for a followup on my chest. Yea, it's not getting better, let's just say. Before it was once a month they would inject a virus in my chest to prevent the tumor from growing again but when I saw him, he said I need to see him at least once a week. It hurts like heck I tell you. It's so much pressure, you think you're running out of breath. And it doesn't help, the fact that I also have asthma. It's horrible. And third, I just felt so depressed all over again. I felt like...not living anymore. No will to even try to get better. Then my surgeon called me to tell me results and he told me, I should get back into physiotherapy to help with my arm because its not going get better if I just do regular stretches and work outs at home. So he recommended I go to the gym or going back to my physiotherapy. It's a hassle going to my physiotherapy so I said I'll just go to the gym. I signed up and I've been going to gym at least 4 times a week, as recommended. Then I saw my Family Doctor, who keeps an eye on my Thalassemia Anemia. He says it's not getting better and he wishes he can give me better news but he can't. He doesn't want to send me to a haematologist for a blood transfusion because I have a rare blood type and it would take a long time, but he put me on the list and once I get my match, I can go to the hospital but for now, I have to see him once a week. He put me on some kind of medication that could help me, but if the next blood test comes back bad, he definitely needs to send me for blood transfusion. He doesn't want to risk anything bad, he said worse comes to worse, I can get leukemia :S That's a scary thought. I thought I had cancer when they said I had a tumor but now the thought of having cancer through my blood is even scarier? Or I don't know what's scarier...but I'm not scared. I guess I'm not normal. Normal people would be scared to death. My dad always lectures me about getting leukemia but I just brush it off but now it's serious. So I'm sleeping at 9pm almost everyday, making sure I get my fruits and veggies...but it's still not good enough. My Doctor says my cholesterol is about border line, and if I don't treat it now, I could have what my dad has too. Amazing. Then he went on about my heart condition and blah blah blah. Too much information don't you think? Well there's more but I won't get into anymore detail.
Anyway, life sucks, I know, but I have to keep remembering that, there are other people who has it worse than I do and I know I should be counting my blessings. And I do count my blessings, just you know when you're so stressed and depressed, you can't help yourself but feel the way you do and it's not your fault, but I know I have control.

And just when you think everything is getting better, everything goes down hill. I guess God really does have a purpose for me. Maybe God will give me the gift of healing. Because I find myself just bouncing right back up and I have so much energy, quote my family doctor. "For someone who's got such bad heomoglobin level, bad cholesterol and a tumor, you've got some energy and will, but that's good you know. Because I believe, sometimes, it takes more than just medicine to heal. Have faith, besides, I'm taking good care of you." I love my Doctor, he's chinese by the way. He's a genius. Before I went through all those test for my chest surgery, he already knew I would need it and he guessed 90% that I had a tumor. But of course he didn't tell me that right away. He just wrote it down before sending me to the breast surgeon.

So, now I finally let all that out. It was eating me up inside what other's were thinking why I was gone for two weeks. Well, just that one person who asked me if I'm dieing. LOL! Plus the discouragement presence I felt at church. I went to church yesterday and let me tell you, I stared at the altar, where I stand when I lead the congregation to Worship, for about 30minutes before service started, and I kept praying and praying and praying and prayed, "Lord, if it is your will, then let your will be done." It's not easy being a praise and worship leader, especially if you've been through so much.But you know what I find, I find that, you grow so much from all the things you grow through. Well that's just me personally as a leader but you know it's so true. God works in such mysterious ways and He does show signs. I believe that God shows signs.

Anyway, I'm pretty depressed and no not stressed, I mean depressed. But you know what, gosh, we always say, I surrender my life to You, Lord. Some of us don't understand what surrendering means. We say, "we give it all to Jesus," or "let go." Yeah, those are one of the right answers but my dad told me this, "to fully surrender your life to God means to humble yourself." GOSH! That's huge! Humble ourselves. That's hard for some people yet it's so easy to some. I guess that's just between you and God but you know what, that's exactly what I did. Sunday, I went on my knees and I humbled myself before God. It's not easy, it really tears you apart, but that's how you know God is working. "Break my heart for what breaks yours." I LOVE LOVE LOVE to Praise & Worship God. Sometimes I wish all I can do, is just worship, sing, make music every second of the day to tell God how much I love Him. But I know I can't physically literally do that unless I want to quit everything that I'm doing now. Lol! I sing in my head, I try to make lyrics in my head and try to remember them. I just worship God every second of the day. I look at the trees and thank God for the trees. I look at nature and just thank God because He is just an amazing creator. And to be honest with you, the message that our Pastor gave on Sunday was exactly what I needed, and what every one needed. I believe God is using our Pastor in so many ways and I just thank God that He's continuing to bless Him and his family. They do so much, maybe not physically but you know, spiritually and mentally. Well they still do a lot of things physically but I mean, for my Pastor, he's doing a lot spiritually.

Back to my Praise & Worship. I don't know how and I don't know why but the songs I chose, just came from my heart. I meditated on it for so long and it's exactly what came to me. It was hard to sing the slow songs: From The Inside Out going to the bridge of Came to my Rescue. It was high, especially for the girls. I bet it was high for the guys too but you know what, that didn't matter when we were singing. It was real. The worship was extravagant and it was marvelous and it was amazing! Our voices...it sounded like Angels singing in a choir. The congregation singing...it was amazing! God definitely heard my prayers and you know what, I believe that something GREAT is going to happen in The Iemelif Church of Canada! I believe that the workers are harvesting! I believe because God is with us! The message was a great encouragement, like what I said, something I definitely needed! I was so encouraged...even though I am still stressed, I am determined to do great things about it.

We are in the year of God's favor, what are you going to do about it?

I believe that God will use each and every one of us and He will do great things in all of our lives. No matter what we go through, believe that God can do miracles in your lives!
You know what's so amazing as well, every time I do my devotion for Praise & Worship, I told my group that all my devotions, are always going to be about encouragement. Because we all need it. TRUST ME, we all need it! So I AM definitely going to keep up with my devotions and encouraging EVERYONE because it makes me smile and happy and I know it makes God happy!

On another note:
I just want to say, congratulations to the Flores family because God has blessed them with a new home. I know, well my family and I know how much they have been praying for this new home and now that they have it, I pray that God will continue to bless their household of faith!

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